


I only want you to smile for me.

by Maplechan



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Death, Everyone likes misaki for some reason, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Kanon isnt safe, Kokoro is actually crazy im not even joking here, Kokoro wants the misaki, Love, Misaki is oblivious, Misakoko - Freeform, They cute at parts, Unrequited Love, Useless Lesbians, Yandere, Yandere!kokoro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maplechan/pseuds/Maplechan
Summary: I hit a flat note, and it was painfully obvious that I had. I've never hit a flat note in my life - singing is one thing that comes so naturally to me that I've never dealt with such an issue and yet. It happened, I can't understand why after seeing the look kanon gave misaki during this performance effected me in such a strong way, that it would lead me to being unable to sing as I always do, but it happened.~ ~ ~ ~ ~A new emotion has grown inside Kokoro, one she doesnt know how to deal with. After going through these changes via reading her diary exerts Misaki learns shes the sole purpose of the blonde's new and strange actions. Although, that doesn't stop her from feeling torn as theres a place in her heart that can never truly hate the ball of happiness named Kokoro.





	1. Unravel

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a bandori fanfic before but I've been told many times I am misakoko jesus so this was inevitable - I dont think I'll get too explicit when kokoro goes stabby stabby so like dw 
> 
> Right lads let's go enjoy maybe

Dear Misaki, 

If you're reading this then I guess I made a massive mistake, so I decided to send you this book.

This is my diary, I only started writing this once you made me feel all those weird and new emotions- I thought it was so odd that writing it down and thinking through everything would soothe me slightly. I assume it mustn't have. 

All I want you to know is no matter the things I've done or how you feel about them, I did them because I believe there isn't another being on this planet that can give you the happiness I can. Actually no, I know there isn't. 

So if you want to understand, I'd like you to please read this diary. Theres going to be parts that you may either enjoy to read, or perhaps you'll feel extremely uncomfortable but I assure you, the reason everything that had happened has happened because of you, and because of the love you made me feel. 

I've go into extreme detail in every event that has taken place since I began writing in it, this will feel more like a story than someones personal diary. I think I'd like people to read this one day and see it as a story, a story of true love. Sounds almost like a fairy tail when I say it like that But You know the reality really isnt like that dont you? I'm sorry for all the heart break and mixed feelings I've given you.

I love you.... even if you dont want to believe that, it's true. I wont ever feel this for anyone else, and I promise you, I wont let you feel it for anyone else either, because all I've ever wanted was for you to be the happiest you can be, and when i make you mine, I promise, I swear on my life. I can and will make you the happiest you will ever be.

I really really really love you misaki. 

So please. Read this. 

Lots and lots of love  
From,  
Kokoro ♡


	2. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it begins

It was an unusually dark and sombre day on the particular day we ended up booking our main scale event. What I mean by that is, hello happy world had been planning a much larger scale performance for a long time now. This was because I began feeling as though I couldn’t make enough people smile at one of our ‘normal' venues, so I ended up asking Misaki if she could help me find a new place to book a slot for a show that only hello happy world would play in. 

It had been a hard months of cranking down on practicing, I was there almost everyday of the week once school was done. I wanted it to be perfect, for the band and for everyone coming to see us.  
Although a few weeks before the main event Misaki had told me Michelle was ill once again but I didn’t need to worry as she would happily fill in for her. Kanon kept mumbling on that it was because “its too hot for Misaki-chan to perform with the Michelle suit on, and she doesn’t want to risk messing anything up” I really didn’t understand what she meant, it’s not like Misaki has anything to do with Michelle, never mind how the heat would make her perform differently, it’s safe to say I was very puzzled, but in all fairness I was quite happy with the idea of being able to perform with Misaki. Alot of the time during shows i enjoy dancing around the stage and mostly jumping up to Michelle and hugging her – she does alot for me whilst onstage and I felt I’d really enjoy doing all those things with Misaki. After all the brunette was especially interesting to me, never mind how cute she looks when I startle her with hugs.  
Never the less the day of the concert came, and we all couldn’t have been more excited.

“Right so no one needs last minute toilet breaks okay?” kanon had asked nervously for the almost fourteenth time.  
“No my dear kitten I think everyone I ready to perform~” kaoru the replied whilst flicking her bangs aside from her face. I smiled as bright as I usually do and turned to see Misaki seemingly staring at the wall. The brunette was fiddling with her fingers, along with her forehead being slightly glazed with sweat. She seemed even more nervous than Kanon at this point.  
I skipped over towards Misaki and jumped in front of her, placing my hands on her thighs and pressing my forehead against hers whilst still staring deeply into her sapphire-like eyes. Before I could speak she flinched and pulled her face backwards slightly, her cheeks tinting pink as she did.

“Hey misakiiiiii~! You cant go on that stage without a maaaaaassive smile on your face!” I continued pushing my self closer to her as I threw my arms into the air. “And I wont have you not smiling for one moment before~!” I then exclaimed before grabbing her cheeks, squeezing them slightly and moving the ends of her lips upwards forming a sort of smile, though she then gave in and finally gave me the smile I was looking for.  
There was something about Misaki's smile that would make my heart flutter slightly whenever I saw it, like simply seeing a form of happiness flow though her would make me happier than anything else. When she showed me her most genuine and precious smiles I would even get to the point where even my face would start to heat up.

She battered my hands away from her face only to keep hold of them after dropping our linked fingers to her legs.  
“T-thank you Kokoro... but you dont need to get this close every time I get nerves-“ I shook my head and replied.  
“I would disagree! When we’re on that stage I want all of us to be at our best! That’s wh-" before I could finish hagumi had burst into the room catching off my little speech I was prepared to give. 

“Right everyone! It’s time head on stage!” Misaki almost flinched at hearing that, I simply sighed and got up from on her lap. I put my hands on my hips smiling as brightly as I could, i was about to tell her one last thing in Hope’s it would lighten her mood but kanon seemed to have stepped in before I could speak.  
She had a small flush across her cheeks as she spoke, a strange light glimmers in her violet eyes that I thought to myself I’d have to check up on what emotion could be behind such a look.

“Hey misaki-chan if you ever feel nervous whilst on stage, just look at me and I’m sure you’ll know you’re not the most nervous one of us all fue~” misaki smiled at Kanons words then stood, balling her fists and turning fully to Kanon.  
“Right got this!” the brunette then exclaimed, I should have felt happier for her as seeing misaki happy should have been all I needed at that time and yet, I didnt feel as if I had anything to do with it, she smiled through another person’s kindness which made me feel like I couldn’t manage the full job of calming her nerves.  
After seeing her walk off beside Kanon, almost through a door of light- as if the world behind it was a new universe something ready to grab and pull me aside then for the first time I felt this ting of pain in my lower stomach. Barely even noticeable though, I felt it. Hagumi patted me out from my daze and grabbed my hand lacing our fingers.

p>

“Come on kokoron! We’re on now!” with almost emergency hidden behind her amber eyes. I offered her a grin then began speeding up along beside her.  
And yes walking through that door of shimmering yellow, did feel like entering a new universe. Light covered me along with hagumi, for a moment me and the redhead ceased to exist, a few fractured particles were left with any contrast left. Before we had finally walked through to the other side.  
Rows and rows of yellow and orange waved across the black ocean beyond us. I’d never felt such an overwhelming feeling – I felt small, not being the one to have made misaki smile before this had effected me so deeply I felt inferior to everyone around me. And yet the little squeeze hagumi gave my hand before she walked to her stance on stage, really brought me back to reality. This black ocean was here to smile. And we were to make them smile.

I then heard the music begin playing, the melody seeped into my skin and brought me back to life almost making my blood rate speed up. I then smiled as bright as I could and let out my voice to sing out just as we had all practiced. Everything was beginning to go normal once again for me, my heart returned to its usually joyful place I saw people among that vast ocean of glow sticks now – each and everyone of them wearing gleaming smiles. I came up to the part of my choreography in which I leap into the air and wrap my arms as far as they’ll go around Michelle’s head - in which this time I should have been Misaki and for a split second I felt the happiest I ever had, my voice was flowing as the melodies surrounding me held me in a strong stance. I turned to Misaki reading myself and then everything seemed to stop.

Misaki was staring at Kanon just as Kanon was looking at Misaki, the bluenette though was wearing an expression I’d never seen. It was an expression I felt I’d never have wanted to see on her as she faced Misaki. It held happiness, joy, love and almost lust. So much began whirling around my mind for this millisecond I had before jumping towards Misaki . Misaki was smiling holding a kind and genuine smile towards Kanon, but the other was staring so strongly as if it was only the two of them there. As if this was solely only about them. The look swayed me so much everything shut down. My mind, my movement, my heart then my voice.

I hit a flat note, and it was painfully obvious that I had. I've never hit a flat note in my life - singing is one thing that comes so naturally to me that I've never dealt with such an issue and yet. It happened, I can't understand why after seeing the look kanon gave misaki during this performance effected me in such a strong way, that it would lead me to being unable to sing as I always do, but it happened.

I was still looking at misaki, and at that point her eye-line has turned to me in a look of concern – everyone had. The pain in my stomach returned but alot harsher. I couldnt sing every note began to be flat, I was out of sinc with the rhythm of the song. All I could think of was that look, I couldnt get it out of my head they way kanons expression hadnt changed- she had no idea how important and perfect that smile misaki just gave her was. It was a waste of the brunettes genuine smile.  
I ended up pausing . I froze on spot my mind and with thoughts of kanons expression. I couldn’t sing I wasnt thinking. Luckily Hagumi began singing over the parts I was missing, in which kaoru and the rest started to join in. I simply stood there in moving staring at misaki – I wouldn’t say I had an expression, there wasnt any light in my eyes nor in my heart. At that moment I was basically dead.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“My goodness I’m so tired” Hagumi shouted enthusiastically as we all returned towards the backroom. Kaoru patted her on the head rifling the hair slightly.  
“You really did save us out there little kitten~ it was so very fleeting when you began singing~! I wouldn’t have been the first to sing I can safely say.” Hagumi flushed slightly only to quickly change the direction of her view towards me.  
“T-thank you so much Kaoru-kun... though I wouldn’t of had to start singing if kokoron hadn’t stopped, are you okay kokoron? That’s never really happened to you before...” the redhead commented; her eyes looking abit droopy as she did. I perked up and turned towards Hagumi forcing a smile onto my face. 

“Y-yeah! Just had one of those moments... It was really strange my stomach was all fwoooosh and queasy and i was like waaaa you ever get that?” I smiled after speaking but everyone kept a concerned glimmer in their eyes, though they believed me still. I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding emotions at this point.  
Kaoru and Hagumi nodded and Kanon didnt say anything, I turned around toward the wardrobe and began getting into my casuals. As did everyone else, in silence. 

When we all finally left there wasn’t too much exchange in conversation, Kaoru and Hagumi managed to keep up some small talk; Kanon also fizzing into the conversation at times. Theres was always a strange feeling in the air between us, some unspoken issue no one was going to bring up. It was just that though, no one, was going to bring it up.  
We all began to part our on ways, Kanon and Kaoru one way Hagumi in her own and Misaki was still a bit behind us. I kept aware on the fact Kanon turned back to Misaki as she left- going for a hug but it wasnt returned. The brunette looked really upset which tugged at my heart, and I began to frown.

“Goodbye everyone I’ll see you at school tomorrow~!” exclaimed the Redhead as she left alone, which Kaoru and Kanon both joined and walked off waving slightly. I began walking, prepared to walk alone until I felt a hand grabbing my wrist.  
“Hey kokoro... did you freeze up because you saw you had to hug me and not Michelle?” her voice was quiet and cold. It hurt me to think she blamed herself, I could feel the sadness eating her up souly from her tone and the look swimming in those bright grey orbs of hers. – it was too soon. I shook my head and turned to the brunette, grabbing both her hands as I did.”  
“No! Not at all I promise you that’s not the reason at all! I...” I cut off I was confused. I certainly didnt have a reason or at least- I didnt have one I could possibly tell Misaki at that moment. It made so little sense.  
“You help me out alot with my problems I just want to help you kokoro... what happened up there?” She then looked up to me, her pearly grey eyes shining with worry and tears. I sighed and pushed my face onto her chest.

“I’m not sure I just... felt weird- you see i felt this odd feeling in my stomach and it took over my body i- I’m sorry Misaki I didn’t mean to alarm you... after all I ended up just staring at you for the rest of the show..” The brunette then giggled slightly, wrapping her arms around my back. My heart seemed to skip a beat after feeling so close to her, so then returned the hug and wrapped my arms around her neck- trailing my fingers through her hair. This was nice. I really liked being close to her like this, I felt safe.  
“Kokoro all that is, is nerves! You let your nerves get the better of you! Something you had told me not to do!” she laughed, which honestly was better music to my ears than anything I’ve ever listened to. As much as I know what I was feeling was nerves but saying that would probably upset Misaki, so i decided it was better off if I just stayed quiet.

“Mmm yeah that might have been it..” I was too wrapped up with the warm feeling of pressing up so close to Misaki I’d almost been led off into sleep. She was warm, I could feel myself recharging just from our closeness.  
“Come in then let’s get home, you seem really tired for once in your life kokoro" she smiled so softly and genuinely as she spoke, I couldn’t help but grin myself; she was contagious. After pulling away the brunette outstretched her hand toward mine, tangling our fingers together as she led me on forward. It had started becoming completely normal by now that me and misaki would walk around holding hands. I cant remember when we first started it when it just became perfectly fine for us, but it just kind of happened.  
I remember all the eyes of the members in popipa burning into our skulls as we walked away from them hand in hand – back before they always did sponsored lives. Things change so much over time now I’m thinking about it... exept Arisa's obvious crush on Kasumi is still as obvious if not more than it used to be. Before I could even enjoy the feeling of the others hand we’d arrived at the foot of my home. Misaki turned to me still with a sweet smile across her face.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow kokoro, you have my number so if you have any other problems just give a call okay?” spoke misaki calmly. 

I looked up to her as she was a few centimetres taller than me, and pulled the best smile I could manage at the time. Leaving with a small “goodbye" and a little wave.  
When I returned home and ventured into my room I ended up laying there staring at the ceiling for an extremely long amount of time. So much so one of the suit people came to check on me.  
“Kokoro-sama are you feeling well? You’ve been awfully quiet which isnt very like you.” The suit person commented. I ended up focusing more on my reflection in her glasses than of what she had actually said to me.

“Y-yes I’m fine... hey actually I was just wondering ugm..” I hesitated for a moment, twirling my fingers around one another “ I messed up a little during the performance today- but only because I saw misaki smiling at Kanon and not me... that-that sounds really self-centred but it effected me to the point where I couldnt move I-“ I cut myself off realising I just had started rambling. I rethought over my words dealing I ended up sounding like i was just feeling jealously or something.

Was I?

“I understand Kokoro-sama, Okusawa-sama is a very good friend if yours. I’d say shes my personally my favourite out of your little group as she cares alot about your safety... so we don’t have to get as scared as we normally would.” I only started off into the distance. Putting her words together didnt really help my situation...  
All I could think about at this point was if all I was really feeling was some pretty jealousy that I couldn’t fulfil my usually purpose of being the one that gave her happiness. But it wasn’t me who did that. It was Kanon... Ugh so infuriating.

p>

“W-what I mean to say kokoro-sama... is that Okusawa-San is really worth fighting for! As it seems to me shes one of the most important people to you! You must really love her right?” that’s when it clicked. The reason I felt such an urge to be Misakis main source of happiness was because i was in love with her.  
I began smiling brightly as I normally do, my old self began chirping it’s way back to me.  
“You’re right! Misaki is worth fighting for! So if Kanon thinks she loves Misaki as much as I do, shes extremely wrong! I know what Misaki needs not her, and if she gets in the way of me fulfilling my duty to make Misaki the happiest person in the world, I’ll just have to get rid of her! Right?” I looked up to the suit person, feeling the glimmer in my eyes as I looked up at her.  
“Yes of cour- what hold on-" 

“Thank you suit person! I’m going to go to sleep now bye bye!” I quickly ended up pushing her out the room as I spoke closing it with a thud. Then letting out a gleeful sigh, sliding down the wall into a sitting position. I pulled up legs up to my chest and laid my head back. It made so much sense, I finally could understand all these whirling thoughts and feelings. I never deal with such emotions Misaki really brings out every inch of me inside and out. I ended up falling asleep in that same position, thinking about that same brunette I care so much for.

I decided for the next morning I’d wake up super early and get to Misaki's house before she woke up, so we could walk to school together tomorrow.

I think I’ll keep a diary on how much more Misaki seems to change and effect my feelings and maybe I could fully understand the actual depths of my love.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kokoro is gonna go crazy go stupid 
> 
> Sorry for spelling mistakes atm I'll check through it all properly later and correct them


	3. Uncanny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it continues in another time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres likely going to be a thing of one long chapter, one short one I'm not sure right now

There was a soft creek in the floor boards as misaki flipped the page, her attention shot up to the wooden frame before her. A bead of sweat dripping down her face. Beneath her the ground was covered in a mix of blood, sweat and tears. Literally. She held a small torch above her only to flick it off and hide it underneath herself. The creak of the ground started to grow louder as did the pacing of the brunettes breaths. She covered her mouth with her hand desperately trying to silence her hyperventilation. The brunette had been too clumsy with turning the page, obviously she would be able to hear such a loud noise compared to other things she has managed to pick up on.

Fear wielded every action Misaki made at that moment, the brown haired girl knew she was close. If she was to make any other form of sound she’d been found. Misaki desperately closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands, hoping and preying to anything at that moment.  
Just dont breathe. Hold your breath. She can hear you breathe. Hell she can hear tears when they fall to the ground after rolling down your face.  
The creaking then came to a terrifyingly quick stop. Misaki's eyes widened in fear. Was it over? Did she find her? For a moment the silence was almost unbearable. If she so much as blinked the other would be able to hear it. She was running out of time now. She needed to breathe, if she held out any longer Misaki would most likely pass out loosing control of where her body falls and alerting the one she was trying so hard to stay from.

She looked down to the small gap in which the door didn’t reach the frame. Already frozen with fear didnt match how petrified misaki was when she saw another eye staring back at hers through the small crack. No light reached its socket – the eye was a murky mustard colouring, it was circled with black and beading to deeply towards the brunette.

“I found you my love~"


	4. Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoro is starting to notice the changes these feelings are causing her mind and her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead ikr it's crazy I'm just lazy. 
> 
> Our yandere girl is back, ready to start getting more yandere

day 2.

The following morning I woke up at a concerningly early time. I’d ended up falling asleep still in that sitting up position by the door from the earlier day. Though I hadn’t even gotten much sleep, I was extremely awake- almost hyperactive at that moment.

I bounced up from my place near the wall almost toppling over as I did and ran up to the wardrobe. An array of clothing stared back at me even though I was only to grab my school uniform. I hadn’t much to do in the morning, my hair works itself out and I never get a single blemish on my face. What can I say? Just living perfection~! My body was ready keep itself as perfect as it can be for Misaki. After rethinking that thought it seemed odd, did I really mean to better my complexion just for misakis sake? Again I thought through the fact I felt a need to make myself look much more presentable.. and my only purpose was to impress her- such a strange queasy feeling started to fill me just at the idea of her at that second. What was she doing right now? Sleeping. Obviously... 

Then again if misaki was sleeping right now, what did she look like? What was she wearing? What kind of sounds did she make in her sleep...? Did she wear stuff when she slept- wait did misaki wear pyjamas or just sleep in her under wear? Wait if that’s the case then... I shamefully closed my eyes and shook my head slightly, what on earth was I thinking? That was something I really didnt understand. The things and the ideas that filled my mind that made me feel almost excited just confused me even more to a point I just started backtracking and losing sense of my feelings even more . Ugh it was all so confusing, it made me almost want to just tell misaki and hope she’d explain it to me – since I usually just ask her everything but, even with my level of shamelessness I dont think its particularly excepting to up and ask someone “oh why am I getting exciting when I think about you sleeping in your underwear?” 

I then just sighed and took a simple look out the window, the other side revealing itself to be alot worse and initially wanted. It was heavily raining along with still being pitch black outside. For a moment I sat and watched the droplets on the glass drip down the surface, reflecting the light from room. I saw myself staring back through the window, yet seeming more dull than I had thought I looked, my whirling mind from before slowly calming itself. I traced a finger over the transparency, the condensation feeling cold against my skin. I stared off for a few more moments before turned my head and looking toward the door.

I hopped off the windowsill whilst throwing my arms in the air, allowing a few of my muscles to stretch after all they were all cramped from sleeping in such an odd position all night. Walking to the mirror, I ran my fingers through my bangs a fair few times before I was happy that I’d gotten the majority of tangles removed. After smiling to myself I turned towards the door of my room; swiftly opening only to see the hallways of the mansion in a gloomy darkness. In addition to that the area was so painfully silent, I want to say I was used to it like that- since this house is so huge and it’s very unlikely that my parents would ever be home.  
I sniffed out a small sigh before wondering on into the blackened air before me. I wasn’t feeling too hungry at that moment only for me to realise that was because it was 5AM. For me to awake at such an early time really was shocking, at least it would have been if their was anyone to see it. Nevertheless I made my way to the main door, grabbing my school bag and gently putting over my shoulder. 

The early morning really was quite beautiful, as much as the winter brought cold and upsetting darkness to the area at such an hour, seeing the streets unmoving and left to only to the natural falling of rain ; what a sight It was. 

As I walked I attempted to get my mind in order, only to realise it really wasn’t that easy, but I knew that day I was going to be the very first person to make Misaki happy, and that I had promised to myself. The more I thought about it the more my feelings were beginning to seem like attraction. I wasn’t sure what it was like to feel love- or even having a crush on someone. I felt so alien not to ever experience any of those things but then I noticed in myself that was because I’ve never had the chance to meet new people with a potential for me to fall for  
.  
It’s all so new to me... I just hope I end up doing this whole romance thing right.  
Misaki required someone that had the ability to make her happy, not someone that was similar to her- or someone that was simply nice to her. It wouldn’t develop her a person- nevermind how stale and boring their conversations would be.

I stopped for a moment, looking straight forward as the fog of the earlier night was beginning to clear and that’s when my thoughts began to click somewhat. The type of person I was describing to myself was someone like kanon. I’d been going over in my own mind how much of an awful girlfriend she would be to Misaki leading me to realise I really was just experiencing something like jealousy. Then again the more I thought about it – I was thinking for the benefit of Misaki, that’s all I was thinking about. All I want is misaki to be with the most doting and loving person that she can be with. And I know that’s me.

My whirling mind was cut short when I’d arrived at Misaki's house. I hadn’t even realised I was taking myself here, my legs had just unwillingly guided me there. I could just knock and hope a family member would be awake but- then I wouldnt get to wake misaki since I assume she'd wake up from a loud knock. So I simply decided it was the best and most understandable choice to climb the side of her house and break through her window. 

I knew which her room was for, reasons. It was on the second floor meaning the climb up wouldnt even get me to break a sweat. There are a few little dents in the side of the wall inwhich are perfect for me to fit my slim fingers into allowing my to pull myself up. It only took me a few seconds to throw myself up to her window. I laid my hand across the glass, staring through the condensation of my breath fight against me and clouding up my vision into the room. The warmth of the inside I was yet to feel was already so inviting. A few silent moments passed in which my fog of breath cleared and I could see the sleeping figure before me. 

“Wow...” Was all I could breathe out in that moment, I felt so stumped for words and I was still yet to even get into the room. Luckily Misaki doesn’t actually lock the window into her room, letting my ‘visit' slot easier than It could have been. I slowly pulled the glass upwards and giving myself an opening into the warmth before me. 

After a little bit of clambering through I walked up to the bedside smiling wildly as I did. I then could confirm for myself that Misaki did indeed wear pyjamas when she slept. I then felt such a strange urge to get closer to her, so without anything like a second thought I softly crawled above her. What a deep sleeper she was as well, again luck being in my side in that moment too. I took a moment to really look at her, and by really look at her I mean I stared at misaki for a good twenty minutes. The way her nose would slightly flare as she inhaled and exhaled. The little glimmer of salvia that sat atop her bottom lip, that moved back and forth ever so slightly when air would pass through her mouth. Her soft brown tresses the sprawled across the pillow, her few thin strings of hair laying across her forehead, cupping her face. What I’d give to be able to look into her eyes at that moment I really dont know, but oh boy did I want to. 

I trailed my fingers across the side of her face, revealing her skin to be almost painfully smooth. She didnt even falter in anyway, misaki must really be a heavy sleeper. I then finally managed to straddle myself atop her, only to earn a few weak mewls from within misakis deep sleep. I crouched down, almost to the point our foreheads where touching.  
“Hey misaki... I’ve been feeling these really strange emotions all of a sudden and I really dont understand them...” I licked my lips and took in a few soft breaths. “I think, I have a crush on you but, I really dont know how to go about it... the suit person told me to fight for you, which I feel may be necessary at this point...” I retreated back to just a sitting position, my eyeline unmoving from the face of the girl beneath me. “Remember that time you saved my life...? Yeah – I jumped off that hot air balloon almost certain you would come and save me... and you did- I was so happy at that moment you know? I’m always happy when I’m with you- I love holding your hand... it’s always so warm and soft. I feel like our hands fit together so well- almost like to puzzle pieces.” I closed my eyes for a moment. “I.. dont want you to hold anyone else’s hand.” I opened my eyes shocked at my own words, was that true? What is this strange possessive nature that seemed to start building up inside me? I really didn’t know and I certainly still dont know.

I smiled to myself when i looked back at her, hovering over her once more readying myself to try wake her up from our lips touching. Time moved so slowly as I inched closer to the girl before me. Just as I grazed our lips together – her damn alarm went off, shocking me so hard I fell off the bed just as she shot up from where she was laying.  
“I know I know shut the fuck up-!” misaki yelled at the object beside her that had just managed to completely ruin every plan I had just made then in one moment.  
“Jesus that’s so damn Lou-“ as misaki was speaking she was pulling her self out the covers, as she dropped her legs to the side of the bed her feet landed on me, earning her a little oof sound effect from yours truly.  
I smiled brightly and waved up from the ground. “Good morning Misaki!” misaki just kind of started at me for a good long moment in absolute shock. I then pulled myself of the floor and walked up to her.  
“I was going to wake you up with a kiss but your darn alarm beat me to it!” I exclaimed, smiling so wildly I almost had to close my eyes. She turned a shade of red and faced away from me.

“H-how did you even get in? Did my mum let you in?” my face fell blank for a split second, it was best I didnt let her know I sort of broke into her room. So I awkwardly laughed then spoke,  
“Yes that was it, I was very quiet when i did and when i came into your room, that i then didn’t stay in for about half and hour and watch you sleep- that’s not what normal people do, so that isn’t something i just did then before you got up. I indeed did not do any of that because that- isn’t normal.” I grinned proudly after managing to spit out the words that almost started stumbling out my mouth- was that what it felt like to be flustered? I really didnt know. 

“Uhm okay..” the brunette looked back up towards me meeting my gaze, she blinked then her face began to turn red once again. Concerned I quickly walked up to her and cupped her cheeks.

“Misaki are you okay? Your face has gone all red and it’s really hot to the touch!” her eyes widened as I spoke, along with her skin starting to burn even more.  
“Y-yes I’m fine kokoro I just-" she cut herself off as her eyes met mine once again. “-thought you looked nice today... n-not that you dont look nice everyday- i-i mean that today you look like you’ve done something different and-" I could feel my own face begging to burn as she spoke, I wasnt even sure why. I felt butterflies in my stomach star  
ting to multiply along with the redness on my skin.  
It seemed misaki must have noticed and then cut herself off once again.  
“H-hey sorry I didnt mean to sound weird I’m... I’m gonna go have a shower wait for me here okay?” i shook my head cutting off my gaze and nodded, forcing on a quick smile which was enough for misaki then to take this cue and leave the room. 

I felt like I did something wrong- I couldn’t pinpoint what was normal and what was too much to say to her. I started getting more frustrated with myself the more I thought about it. How was I so useless at reading what words would create a negative and positive reaction from misaki? I knew what to say to make her happy, and what would make her sad – but I draw a straight line then being able to tell what would fluster her, and what would make her just feel uncomfortable. 

A few silent minutes of laying on her bed went by and my mind starting wandering again, I rolled over onto her pillow inhaling as I did- taking in a strong scent of... well misaki. I sat up and looked down to the bed below me, I took a quick look towards the door but I could still hear the shower water running so it was unlikely misaki would walk In. I dropped my head back down to the soft cushion underneath me, and took in the scent it let off. I ended up doing this on a perpetual cycle, and I couldnt understand why i was so inclined to do it. The smell was just so refreshing, misaki had such a nice smell to her. Granted I didnt go here with the intention of sniffing out all of misakis belongs but, after a few moments alone with them I realised that was indeed something I wanted to do. Though continuing this task made that pesky lower region start to what ever it is that it does, and I felt that needed to be a stopping point. Considering misaki would literally walk in at any moment.

Having said that I got up from the bed to see misaki was indeed stood, in only a towel, staring at me, as I was so very strangely smelling her bed sheets.  
This would be an effort to explain.

“Kokoro."

“Misaki.”

A Few moments of awkward silence fell between us.

“You want to let me know what you were just doing?”  
“mmmmm no, no I dont think I will.” 

Misaki sighed and walked up to me, she seemed ready to be somewhat bold until she remembered that she was still just wearing a towel. So I hopped up front the bed and ran toward her closet, to which I then began rummaging around for her school outfit.

“Okay misaki strip" the brunette looked at me for a good minute and a half before she could fathom what I had just said.

“What?”

“I said strip" I repeated myself whilst holding the her clothing up.

“W-what do you mean by that?"

“That means you take off your clothing and put this one on” Misaki frowned.

“Okay well you dont need to dress me kokoro...” she almost spoke that in a whisper for some reason.

“Dont worry I wasn’t planning on doing that I’m just trying to help speed this up since school starts soon-" as if that sparked some hidden power inside the other girl, misaki then turned to the clock and within the same second she had grabbed the clothing from my hands, gotten dressed and brushed her hair.

“wow and I thought I did things quickly" misaki looked up and grinned at me. The expression made my heart flutter for a second.

“I’m full of surprises.” She grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together as the girl then pulled me down the stairs and out the door. I looked down to our linked hands and smiled to myself. What a warm feeling this gave me. Though before anything else could happen between the two of us, a very unwanted character decided to show her face just out side misakis house.  
Her light unbrushed blue hair was noticeable from anywhere. Misaki, upon seeing her, let go of my hand and created some space between us which guided me to genuinely frown. Again something so small seemed to really give me a disappointed and upset feeling deep inside of me, causing my usual smile to run away from me in that moment.

“Ah misaki-chan! And kokoro-chan? W-what are you doing here?” the bluenette queried. 

“Oh kokoro came over earlier- I forgot we were supposed to be walking to school together kanon -san! I got a bit held back doing things-" misaki then motioned to me. I boldly then replied with, “I’m stuff" only to quickly realise that didnt make sense from what misaki had said and I used it in completely the wrong sentence.

“Nevermind- kanon it’s good to see you let’s walk why dont we okay? Okay!” I pushed the two forward, making sure to keep myself between the two. No purpose truly behind the placement.

The walk to school was painful, the conversations those two had was enough to bore someone to literal death. I tried to brighten the conversation more, but kanon seemed as if she really didn’t want me there. Honestly I could say the same for her. When we had finally arrived at school, we only had lessons to worry about, so even if I couldn’t squeeze in anymore time together with just me and misaki, kanon surely couldn’t either. Until lunch finally came around.

“Misakiiiiii let’s eat lunch together~!” The brunette looked up from her desk toward me, she smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah sure lemme just grab my bento, where do you want to eat?” she replied. I ‘hmmed' for a moment whilst looking around us before I came to the idea that we should sit by one of the trees outside, kasumi and her friends eat outside, and they always looked to have a nice cosy time so it was only a natural choice.  
I found a nice little area nearer a more unused part of the school. It was shaded by a tall tree which I couldnt name for the life of me, but it felt so homely. The grass was a soft cushioning to sit on, along with the sounds only really being that of a few leaves crunching together as the wind blew every so slightly. Misaki seemed quite happy with the area as well.

“Not gonna lie this is pretty nice- did you invite hagumi or kan-“

“Nope! It’s just you and me today misaki!” it wasnt necessary for me to have cut her off, but I did so anyway. 

Just as we both had sat down to tuck in, the girl beside me could barely keep her eyes open. Each bite seemed to wear her out even more to the point it was almost concerning.

“Hey misaki" she jumped a bit, falling from her daze.

“Yeah?” her piercing pure grey eyes met my amber ones, and the two pairs fell into a stare for a few moments. I blinked a good amount of times trying to break our Linked eye-lines 

“Do you want to have a little nap or something? You look exhausted.” She gave me one of her smiles where her mouth was turned up, yet her eyebrows backed up how they would when she frowned. Misaki then let out a soft laugh.

“Ahah... yeah I am really tired... i feel like i only fell asleep at like 4am..” so that’s why she wouldn’t wake up this morning...

I grinned and patted my thighs and motioned her gaze to them.

“Here! I promise they are a better pillow than the ground!” misaki looked back at my and then my thighs again, and then back at me and so on so forth for a good while. Then finally getting what I was implying, the girl flushed scarlet.

“N-no kokoro that’s fine you dont-" as much as I did indeed want her to be closer to me, I genuinely felt a sense of care – considering she really did look extremely tired. So I grabbed her head and with little force managed to pull her down so her head was laying atop my thighs. She didnt fight back what so ever, giving me the idea she really did not have the energy to do so.

“I’ll wake you up when class starts okay?” I whispered to the girl below me. The brunette gave me a weak smile before she closed her eyes. I ran my fingers through her hair, and contuined on in a little cycle. Her hair was so sosoft the feeling pf the stands dancing across my fingers was such a strangely satisfying one, and I think it was soothing for her too. Considering the fact she managed to fall asleep within a few minutes.  
This gave me even more time to watch her when she was asleep. Which in all fairness probably isnt a good thing to give me. 

But wow she really did look so pretty in and out of her sleep.

I forgot to wake her up, I ended up sitting there with her all the way until the end of the day.

And I’m still yet to write about how band practice went- oh how eventful my life is getting.

\- End of day 2 morning before and during school time-


	5. Unhappy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

"What? Did you think I wouldn't be able to hear the patter of your blood pouding around your body?" She didnt blink, not once. They had been staring at one another for a painfully long few minutes and the eye beaming up at misaki never faltered.

It tore deep into the soul of the brunette who was no longer hidden behind the safety of these wardrobe doors.

"...misakiiiii~" said girl then flinched after hearing a pair of nails scratching down the wooden doors before her, kokoro had begun trying to use her own nails to break through the one thing separating the two.

_Its imperative I move right now, shes going to break her way through, theres not stopping her. The wood is breaking beneath the pressure of her nails. If I push the door open with enough force I could knock her back slightly and get a foot ahead of her, possibly getting to another room. Surely, she couldnt break through a locked door?_

It wasnt worth even taking the time to think about a full fledged plan. 

Before kokoro could breathe out another word, misaki forced her petrified self forward. Using all the strength she could gather, the brunette pushed the door straight into the girl on the other side, knocking her back just as planned. Though it was alot less effective than oringially thought.

Misaki pushed herself forward and began sprinting upstairs, toward one of the main bedrooms that she was aware had a lock on the door.

Her palms were sweaty, kness weak, arms caving in. The brunette powered forward and turned quickly after entering the room and slamming the door closed. Messing and fiddling around with all the many locks. The sound of the chains clinging together felt so loud, every noise cutting deep into Misaki's heightened senses. 

After what felt like an eternity of locking a door, she finished and retreated towards the bed. 

The girl on the other side had managed to get herself to the room by that time. She pressed her body up against the door, panting and breathing loudly. The blonde trailed her hand down a slab of wood, curling the bleeding digit around the curves and crevices of the patterned solid. Her nails had broken and or fallen off after forcing them into the splintered material before. The nails had been pushed so forcefully into the skin below it, they had broken through into her finger then fallen off. Leaving kokoros hands in a bloody mess. Which she couldnt care less about.

"Misaki, my nails have broken off- I cant scrape through this door. Could you open it for me?" Her voice was breathy and felt like it hid one million differnet emotions behind it. If anything misaki could hear both a manic and lustful tone to her words.

Misaki wasnt capable of speaking, she was too guided by fear. And held back by it.

"Tch- not gonna tell? How cruel misakiiiii~ I'll be back in a sec then." The presence that took up the other half of the room began fading slightly as kokoro walked away. 

For a serious moment misaki could almost give the smallest sigh of relief. The separation between them let the girl's mind start working not off purely fear and adrenalin. She could perhaps even let out a few words towards the other now.

That was until her silence was cut off strongly by the grating sound of an axe being hit against a wooden door.

"Hhhhheres kokoro~! Hahah! Did you get that reference?"

And so the fear returned as that same murky mustard eye glared directly at her. 

The loud presence returning itself to the room.

**Author's Note:**

> This is only the beginning.


End file.
